Shadow Work

You keep many things hidden.

When you laughed out loud, everyone around you commented on how loud and obnoxious it was. As a result, you stifled your natural laugh to make everyone around you comfortable.

You wanted to be an author, but the adults told you it was pointless, a waste of time, and you couldn’t make money that way. So you shoved that urge down, buried it under “proper” pursuits, and forced yourself to see the world through mundane eyes.

As a child, you were outspoken until you were told that “proper” children didn’t talk back, and then you were punished for trying to be heard. Now, every time you speak up for yourself, those words echo in your head, and you can’t get the words out.

You love art and creating, but everyone dismissed you. There was always something more important to be done. Nobody paid attention, nobody praised your effort, so eventually, it wasn’t worth it anymore. You just kept your head down and focused on chores, homework, and whatever people would notice.

Some things are buried but not forgotten.

We all have aspects of ourselves that we’ve rejected and repressed throughout our lives. Whether personality traits, behaviors, or ways of thinking, something – family, peers, society, something – impressed upon you that it wasn’t acceptable.

So you put it away. But it didn’t go away.

Despite the negative connotations the term “shadow” carries, your mental shadow is a collection of qualities that you have rejected or repressed throughout your life.

It is not inherently good or bad; it simply exists in the “darkness” of your unconscious awareness.

Your shadow isn’t just the “Bad Stuff.”

There is also a “golden” shadow, where positive traits were ignored or shamed, and as a result, were relegated to your shadow. For instance, if your artistic efforts were dismissed as a child, that creativity may have been relegated to your shadow. By exploring it, you can reclaim this hidden strength.

You may have something you have tried to reclaim, but keep having trouble because when you let other people see or hear it, their opinions and criticism trigger the same unsafe feelings. You reflexively use negative self-talk to diminish and bury it again, because it is still too uncomfortable or feels unsafe for you to engage with.

Sometimes we see signs or messages encouraging us to do so, but how do we overcome the unsafe feeling in these areas?

Shadow work is about self-discovery.

Dealing with trauma and with the shadow has something in common: shame.

There’s shame around what happened to you, or shame being weaponized to control you. This shame, challenging as it may be to confront, is something we must resurrect from the depths, address, and work through to truly heal and integrate these parts of ourselves, thereby feeling whole and expressing our authentic selves.

This aspect of therapy is different and special because we are not trying to “fix” something wrong with you. Instead, the focus is on reclaiming parts of yourself and fostering wholeness and balance with aspects of yourself that you were forced to leave behind.

Shine a light on your whole self!

We are much more complex beings than a single skill, ambition, or personality trait can describe.

Everything we’ve ever wanted for ourselves, everything we’ve ever wanted to be or do, every hope, every dream, every creative itch – all of this stays with you and is part of your authentic self, which calls out for recognition.

It’ll be uncomfortable. It won’t be easy. It’ll be hard. And it’ll be absolutely worth it.

You’ve found me. Now, with my help, you can find your authentic self. You can reach me by calling or texting (925) 325-4239, emailing fey@feytherapy.com, sending a message through my Contact page, or completing the form at the bottom of this page.